There are Assassins On My Roof
by blank-nolongerinuseok
Summary: You can bet I was a little shocked when I got home to find the front door of my house broken open and two angry assassins clambering all over the roof. Well, this is how I find out Arabic&Italian assassins DON'T MIX. Plz Review. I give you cookies :D
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, some crazy crap going on here ;)

You can bet I was a little shocked when I got home to find the front door of my house open and two angry assassins clambering all over the roof.

"Is that..." I squinted and recognised the ponytail. "Ezio?"

Even though I was sure he couldn't hear me from all the way up there, as soon as my lips started to form his name he snapped his head round to glare down at me.

Then he pointed at me and started yelling some serious incomprehensible crap in Italian. Whoah. "Ecco! Doveva essere la strega che ci Brough qui!"

I could just about make out Altair hanging from my very own bedroom window ledge. He rotated so that he was holding the ledge with one hand and facing me to see what Ezio was pointing at, even if they couldn't understand each other. His eyes narrowed at me, but he didn't randomly start shouting stuff like Ezio did.

So there I was, stuck with an Arabic medieval assassin at my bedroom window and a crazy Italian Renaissance one yelling crap about me that I couldn't even understand – talk about _rude!_

Okay. What on earth was I going to do with them?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note **

I noticed that I got the translation of what Ezio said in the first chapter wrong, so please excuse my mistake!

**The one and only riot –** (throws cookie) Go fetch! :D

**Person in a costume – **Thanks loads for your commentary, it's nice to know that you found my work funny ;) (Gives two cookies) for such a nice review! :D

**Pheonixlivesagain – **Thanks :D I hope you find any future chapters just as amusing :D (Gives two more cookies) Yay :D For lovely commentary!

**Daughter0fNone – **LOL! :'D (here's your cookie! ;) )

**Altair'sFan123 – **Hehehe, I jolly well will! And... uh... watching you too...? LOL :D (throws cookie and knocks off roof) OMG SORRY!

**Moonlightseeker – **Awwwh, your review was lovely! I can agree with the 'more detail' part though – I read it again the other day and realised how it hardly has any detail on the characters, so I will definitely work on that in this update! :D (throws two cookies) Here you go! :D

P.S. Perhaps Altair was looking through the window at my character's underwear that she had left out on her bed this morning... D:

Oh, and I haven't decided on my character's name yet – gosh, that sounds bad! But seriously, I haven't decided XD I will have by the time she has to explain to Ezio and Altair who she is :D

Anyway, FINALLY...

**Chapter 2**

"GET OFF MY ROOF!" I screeched so loud that even Altair cringed, and I was pretty sure he was used to people yelling at him.

In fact, when he cringed, he lost his grip on the window ledge. Ezio didn't cringe, as he was probably even more used to people shouting at him – probably fathers who were indignant at their daughters losing their virginity to him...

"Oh shoot, shoot!" I squealed as Altair landed on the drive and rolled right into my Dad's car. "Altair, Altair, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Wiggle your fingers! Get up! Give us a sign, seriously," I babbled, panicked, rushing towards him and the car.

"Si guarda ... quasi esattamente come me," I heard Ezio mutter behind me. I assumed he had leapt from the roof and landed relatively quietly – I hadn't noticed because I was too busy worrying about my hurt assassin...

"I don't know _what the hell you are saying_," I hissed at Ezio, but keeping my gaze on Altair's dazed face, "but if you can somehow understand _me_, please _shut the hell up._"

"Lei è inglese?"

I frowned. That last word he had just said sounded like 'English'. Was he asking about my language in his native tongue? I turned around to face him. "I – am – English," I told him slowly, to make sure he could understand. "Do – _you_ – speak – English?"

"Yes," he replied quite quickly, with a heavily lilted accent. Sexy Italian accent?

Oh God, please help me.

"If you understand me, you damn Italian womaniser, WHY DON'T YOU FRICKING HELP ME? Dude, your grandpa just fell off the roof! Are you going to do something about it?"

He simply blinked at me. "_WHAT?"_

"Yeah, you heard me! Look, I'll explain later, but - "

"You're a witch."

"... Excuse me?"

"You are a _strega_!"

It was my turn to blink. Then I scowled. "Listen here, young man, I'm no witch, and even if I was, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it! You know why? Hmm? 'CAUSE I'D SPANK YOUR ASS ANY DAY, JERK."

He leapt away from me as if I'd suddenly caught a disease. "What?" I exclaimed. "Surely I'm not _that _frightening, Ezio, you're an assassin for goodness' sake..."

"Ciò che?"

That's when I realised – Ezio was wearing his Auditore clothing, rather than his white robes and hood. It meant...

... however he'd gotten into my world, however much stronger he was than me, his siblings and father were not dead in his time yet, and he wasn't an assassin yet either!

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Oh, and did I mention? _CRAP._

"Don't touch the witch," Ezio shouted, "she is the only one who can send us back to our worlds!"

"Huh?" That's when I realised that he wasn't talking to me – he was talking to a certain someone behind me. I jumped out of the way just in time – as Altair sprang up and ejected his hidden blade into the air where my scrawny neck had been just a few seconds ago.

"GODDAMNIT, ALTAIR, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I yelped, running away to hide behind Ezio. "I was trying to help you!"

He muttered something in Arabic and strode across to stand in front of Ezio. Ezio turned and breathed to me, "Hide."

"I am hiding! Behind you," I whispered back; nonetheless, and Altair started to strike at Ezio and Ezio dodged and stepped this way and that, I scrambled away to the front door. I was about to open it so that I could hide in my living room while Altair tried to best Ezio, but the door opened before I coud touch it...

I swear I would've cried if I had the time.

"What the _hell _is going on, people?" exclaimed Desmond Miles.

"Heavens above," I groaned, "HELP ME!"

...

:D

So, that's the end of Chapter 2, for now!

I hope it's up to your viewing standards!

_Note: Ezio is able to speak English fairly well because he was taught it when he was younger than he already is :3_

_( Awwh c'mon people, it's a fanfiction, just go with the flow! :D)_

_PEOPLE WHO REVIEW GET GOLD STARS AND COOKIES!_


	3. Chapter 3

**I would like to send a big 'thank you' out to everyone who has reviewed my first and second chapters! It pleases me to know that people enjoy my written work – I'm actually surprised that I got this many reviews. Just remember, criticism is welcomed, but flames aren't!**

**No flames so far, though! All good :D (throws cookies and gold stars out to y'all! But in doing so, knocks Altair into a river... wtf... how did that river get there...) ARGH! SORRY ALTY – AGAIN!**

**Altair: *gurgle gurgle***

**Me: CRAP HE'S DROWNING! SOMEBODY GET HIM SOME INFLATABLE ARM THINGIES!**

**Oh, if there are any typos, I am very sorry for the inconvenience – I'm pretty darn tired and stressed out with GCSE's at school and crap, and I'm also finding it hard to fit in time to type up this fun stuff too. Hopefully though, I will be able to submit chapters fairly often.**

**Now... enjoy the third chapter! **

**...**

"Shut up, Des, for a sec – we've got to lay low!" I ran past Desmond through the front door into the hallway, attempting to grab his hand and pull him along with me – aha, epic fail. He was like a boulder – he wouldn't budge!

"What the hell," he instead murmured, leaning against my front door and, almost casually, viewed the Italian and Arabic assassins squabbling. "Why are Ezio and old Altair having a sissy fit?"

I sighed and gave myself a face palm. "Des, get in here."

He swivelled round on his heel to face me. "Hold up! Not until you explain how...what..." Unable to put his demand into words, he gestured speechlessly to the now rolling-around-on-the-floor assassins, yelling insults of their native languages at each other.

"You two, shut it! Altair, stop calling your grandson a twat, and Ezio, stop calling your granddad a prick," Desmond shouted over to them. For a moment, all was silent. My own breath caught in my throat as slowly, Altair and Ezio looked up to see Desmond. Altair didn't say anything, simply goggled. Ezio narrowed his eyes at his ancestor, and then stared at me.

"_Strega_," Ezio shouted at me, "stop this... treacherous craft!"

"You sure you're not a witch?" Desmond turned to ask me. "I don't see an Animus anywhere... so all _this _can't be a malfunction..." He glared at me. "Are you from Abstergo?"

"Ah, _no_," I objected indignantly. How dare he assume I was from Abstergo? "And, actually, I'd appreciate it if _you _could explain how the flipping hell you got here!"

There was a loud slapping noise, a yelp and a thud, and Desmond and I watched as Ezio fell unconscious from a hard punch on the temple by Altair.

"Dude, dude, dude," I hissed, tugging at the modern assassin's sleeve urgently, "we're next on his list! He probably thinks you're one of his doppelgangers or something, and... Well, you all seem to think I'm a frigging _witch_!"

"You could be."

I kicked him on the shin, as ferociously as I could. I could tell by the unimpressed expression on his face that it didn't hurt. At all.

He shrugged. "Just saying."

Altair rose menacingly from his crouching position on my drive and got ready to sprint over to the front door, from which we were watching from.

"Des!" I drew out his name into an irritating whine. "He's got a ruddy hidden blade!"

"Okay, okay, I get you," Desmond muttered, and then waltzed out through the door with his hands in the air, saying things slowly and soothingly in Arabic.

"Des, what the...? He'll kill you!"

But even I realised that Desmond's calming words were taking effect. Altair seemed puzzled at first, then shocked, and then... he smiled... I think that was the first time _ever _I'd seen him smile. The thing was, it wasn't really a nice smile. It was more of an evil 'oh, yes, I am going to kill you very, very slowly' grin.

Craaaaaap.

"Watch it, Des!"

Altair attempted to leap onto his chest, nearly knocking Desmond to the floor, but Desmond rolled out of the way. Altair was prepared for him to put up a fight and had a go at sweeping his opponent's legs out from underneath him with a side kick, but Desmond jumped over his outstretched leg and managed to swerve to behind Altair before he could make a third move. He straddled Altair's arms behind his torso, making it painful to move. Then, he unceremoniously head-butted the writhing Arabic assassin in the base of his skull, stunning him.

I simply watched, awed, as he continued to grab the unconscious Ezio by the collar and fling Altair over his shoulder, one way or another affectively heaving them both up the drive to the front door. A light sweat had broken out over Desmond's forehead. I tried to say how amazing he had just been in combat, but my mouth just made goldfish impressions.

"Now, then," he grunted, glaring at me from beneath his furrowed brow, "you have some explaining to do."

...

**Hmm. Not so happy with this chapter... I may re-write it, but before I do, I need reviewwwwws!**

**So click the 'Review' button. Go on. Go on, you know you want to. Heh heh heh :D**

**Altair: If they think this chapter is crap, they don't have to press the review button.**

**Me: HOLY CRAP! Since when could you speak English?**

**Altair: I don't know! Since when could you understand Arabic?**

**Me: My mind is a little messed up at the moment...**

**Ezio: You can say that again, witch!**

**Desmond: Shut up, Ezio. **

**Me: *sniff sniff* Yeah, shut up, Ezio!**

**Desmond: Hey, you...**

**Me: Yeah? :D **

**Desmond: Shut up. ¬_¬**

**Me: STOP PICKING ON MEEEE :'(**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you ever so much, everyone, for the reviews that have inspired me and kept me going forward! I've just spent over three hours on one itty bitty piece of homework, which is stupid, I know, but now I'm utterly tired and my writing may not be up to its usual standard in this chapter, so I may rewrite when I'm feeling less world-weary.**

**I LOL'd at A LOT of your reviews! Very funny comments, especially one about arm inflators... HEHEHEHEHE...**

**Anyway, remember, all reviews are extremely welcome, even if some of them involve criticism. But remember, like I've said before, no flames, because flames aren't appreciated by ANYBODY.**

**Again, if my writing is not up to my usual standard and I get any reviews saying so, I will re-write this and replace this chapter with an updated document : )**

**Please do enjoy both this new chapter and the cookies that I'm giving out right now to all who have reviewed kindly! (which is, basically, y'all ;) ) Love you guys! :D**

**...**

We sat in the living room, awkwardly silent. Then I got some coffee. Ezio didn't want any because he thought it was a 'treacherous potion' or 'evil poison' (since when did Italian assassins get so enthusiastic about describing different concoctions?) and Altair was still a bit dazed, not saying anything, so in the end it was just Desmond and me who sipped at the only mugs available – much to my embarrassment, they were old Star Wars mugs that I used to collect when I was in primary school. Desmond took his and his lips curled in amusement, but he could tell by the thoroughly annoyed expression on my face that now was _not _the time to comment on the mundane things.

I told the three assassins exactly what had happened from my point of view – which wasn't much difference from what they already knew. The only one who wasn't listening was Altair, because...

"Is he _asleep_?" I asked Desmond incredulously, right after I'd finished my explanation.

"Yep," he chuckled softly, "and serves him right, too. Attacking his descendants like that."

I scowled at Altair's face, shadowed by his hood. "How does an assassin keep his clothes so darn _white _all the time? I wish my school uniform was that clean."

"Back in Masyaf he probably has a huge wardrobe full of uniforms like that."

At Desmond's comment I had an image of Altair with Gok Wan glasses standing outside a changing room door in a Hollywood studio, saying in a really gay voice '_oh, no, darling, that dress simply does nothing for your figure!_' I shuddered at the thought. God, that would scare the living hell out of me.

"Anyway, back to the point," Ezio ushered, obviously not liking being left out in a conversation that he didn't really understand, "_Strega_, how do you think we got here?"

"Ezio, my name is Lizzie, not _strega. _What does that even mean?" The assassin was about to answer when I shook my head frantically at him. "Actually, I'd rather not know. It's probably something insulting. And, well, the answer to your question... uhhhhh..." I did have my theories about the Xbox 360 malfunctioning, but how could I break it to Desmond and Ezio that they were ruddy video game characters? Ezio wouldn't even know what a video game was and Desmond... I'm pretty sure he'd be mighty miffed off.

But at least Desmond would know what an Xbox 360 was, right? Living in 2012 and all? Maybe they even had an Xbox 720 in the near future!

"... I don't know how any of you could've gotten here. I'll work something out... but for now, why don't you two tell me what you actually remember about getting here?"

"Me first, me first!" Ezio cried enthusiastically.

"Des," I addressed the future assassin as politely as possible, "would you like to go first?"

Ezio sighed, frowned and leant back in his arm chair, folding his arms huffily. Sucker. That's for calling me a WITCH. MWUAHAHAHAHHAHA. (I wouldn't be surprised if I was a witch, actually :D)

Desmond set his empty Star Wars mug down on the carpet by his feet. "All I remember was that I _was... at the warehouse... with Lucy, Shaun and Rebecca... and I was getting into the Animus 2.0..._ And then I was lying on the floor in your hallway, looking up at a calendar on the wall that stated the year as 2010. And I realised that I was in deep shit." He grinned ruefully at his last sentence.

I mused that over for a moment. In the hallway? Why the _hallway_? My Xbox 360 was upstairs... "So Ezio, explain what happened to you."

The hyper active Italian assassin sat up straight, happy at the chance to blab about himself, even if it was just a little bit. "I was making my way to a... friend's house... named Cristina. I was walking across one of the great bridges when... suddenly, I'm standing in _here_." He gestured towards the living room's horribly bright green rug which matched nothing else except for the old curtains... that had been thrown out over a year ago. The fluffy thing stuck out like a sore thumb in this room.

Hmm... Ezio was transported to my living room?

HOLY CRAP, what if Altair got teleported or whatever into my _bedroom_? Eurgh. I'd left a lot of stuff out in my room this morning... I'd have to 'inquire' about that later, when he woke up.

Just as I was about to express my theory about how the Xbox 360 (of course, when I explained it, for effect I was going to title it as the 'Paradox Machine') the doorbell rand irritatingly and I panicked. What if it was Mum? I saw from my watch that it was 4:30pm, and Mum came home at about 5-ish. She could be home early! Ohhhhhhh crapppppppp. How was I going to explain how these... ah, beautiful young men... had gotten in? What they were doing here? Why one of them didn't understand English and only spoke Arabic?

"Hide!" I squeaked. Desmond immediately leapt out of and ducked behind his chair without question. Ezio looked dumbfounded for a moment, but Desmond dragged him behind his chair too. That left the sleeping Altair – whom I was scared to wake. He perhaps still thought of me as an enemy, and could even kill me without a second thought as to who I was. I grabbed the green rug and laid it out over him as a lame hiding place, leaving his legs sticking out. It was comical. If I wasn't panicking or hurrying, I would've taken a photo.

I couldn't make Altair's camouflage any better, so I nervously stumbled out into the hallway, to the front door. I grabbed the keys, twisted them in the lock and opened. "Mum -" I began, but it wasn't Mum. It wasn't Dad, back from the dead. It wasn't Jessica, or any of my friends from school.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Everblue. I believe you have three strange men in your living room?"

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I didn't usually like to curse. I just said 'crap', or 'shoot' or 'darn'... the minor stuff. But this man... he was trouble. He was pure evil to the very marrow of the bone. He was corrupt. He was a ruddy Templar.

Dr Warren Vidic.

Kill me now :'(

**Reviews are very much appreciated, even from people who aren't logged into this site,**

**And thanks for reading.**

**Stay tuned for another chapter of 'There Are Assassins On My Roof' :3 x x x x x x x x x**


	5. Chapter 5  The Escape

**Yep, that's right, guys. I updated this dang thing! Woop woop! **

**I'm sorry it's taken this long (blooming hell... it has been a long time, hasn't it?) but I've had other commitments. I feel bad for making excuses, but seriously. GCSEs and other stories get in the way a whole lot.**

**I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm adjusting so that I'm able to write in this more 'humorous' style again, so I'm sorry if my language seems a little rusty from the usual 'There Are Assassins On My Roof'.**

**Enjoy. It's short, but some serious action is finally coming up.**

**Cookies for everyone, for waiting this long.**

"Don't worry so much, Lizzie," Desmond reassured me, "we'll get out of this shit. Somehow."

I didn't reply. It was his fault, after all. Well, sort of. If Desmond hadn't attacked Vidic with my mum's favourite vase, everyone would've probably managed to stay hidden. But no, of course not, he just had to go and smash the bloody thing over the Templar's head. Smart move, bartender. Ten stupidity points for you.

"What is this thing?" Ezio asked, sounding panicky. He wasn't used to being thrown into vans. Well, he'd never even seen one, so he was more than a little nervous.

"It's a van," Desmond said simply, as if the Italian Renaissance guy would actually know what that _was_.

"It's like a wagon," I explained, "but with a roof... and doesn't have horses."

"I don't like this year," he sulked, and I could only just see his pouting lip in the dim light. The van went over a bump in the road and he fell off his seat. I would've laughed, but I had my hands cuffed behind my back like everyone else, so I might've fallen off too.

Altair was still asleep. How could an assassin sleep so deeply, seriously? It was abnormal. He didn't sleep like this in the games. Or did he? Did he only wake up when he heard Malik calling him?

"Novice," I muttered, and went back to wallowing in my own misery.

Desmond chuckled, and then frowned. He was obviously thinking hard about something.

"Lizzie," he said, "how do you think Vidic knew we were here?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, "but you and your stupid 'attack of the vase' confirmed it for him."

"Ah, sorry about that. I just really hate that guy. _Really._"

"I hate him too. After all, he just threw me into the back of a van with... with _you_ lot," I sneered.

"What are you trying to say?" Desmond hissed, evidently a little offended.

An idea popped into my head.

"Desmond, are you good at attacking people, even with your hands cuffed?" I asked.

"Uh, you mean you want me to try and break down the van door?"

"No. I've got a better plan than that," I smiled cunningly. "Just pretend to argue with me – and make sure you're loud. You'll know what to do."

"Oh... so, how should I do this?"

"Call me a witch?"

"Okay... witch."

I wasn't a good actress usually, but this situation was giving me a hell of a lot of motivation right now. I leapt to my feet, only just keeping my balance without my hands to steady me, and retorted. "Get a life, you old git! Just because you're from the future doesn't mean you have to act so high and mighty!" I guess the fact that I was annoyed with Desmond anyway helped.

"Oh, says the one who got me here in the first place!" he retorted, standing up himself. He stamped a foot on the metal van floor for emphasis.

"Now, just you listen here..." I started, but to my happiness the van has screeched to a halt and I could hear a door slam as someone from the front got out. "Quick, they're opening the door," I said. "Get ready to fight."

Desmond grinned. He kicked Ezio in the shin, who was still sulking, and the Italian sighed.

"Look, you want to escape, so do I," Ezio announced, "and I'll help. But don't think that it makes us friends, _strega_." He directed the last part at me very purposefully.

I shrugged with difficulty. "Fine by me."

"Alright, let's do this thing," Desmond growled in excitement.

A crack of light appeared. The van doors opened. Desmond and Ezio lunged for the Templar who opened it, and we began our escape.


	6. Chapter 6 Camping Out

**Hello again, everyone! Thanks everyone for reviews – they make the world spin round, whether they're good or bad ^_^**

**I'm not too keen on the start of this chapter. I was tired when I wrote it (which is no excuse, really, but I like it just about enough to actually post it), but it flowed easier towards the end. I still hope you enjoy it :) Have fun!**

...

There were two Templars. Ezio and Desmond finished one off each. They lay dribbling on the tar of the road. When I got out, I saw the car ahead had stopped as well – the car that Vidic was driving. The driver's door opened and the livid doctor stepped out, holding something in his hand.

"Desmond, Ezio," I screamed, "he's got a gun!"

They both spun round with surprising agility with the handcuffs and saw for themselves the abomination that Vidic held up, pointing it at us.

Ezio looked totally blank, whereas Desmond reacted sensibly – for once – and ducked behind the van with me, dragging his Italian descendant down with him.

"We've got to run for it," Desmond told me immediately, as he crouched by my side.

He was about to leap up and sprint off into the countryside next to the motorway we were on, when I pointed out, "Dude, Altair's still in there."

Ezio groaned. "For _Dio's_ sake, how is he even still asleep?"

"I have no clue," I muttered, "but we have to get him out. We can't just leave him."

"What else are we going to do?" Desmond asked. He eyed a set of keys hanging from the belt of one of the fallen Templars. "We have the keys for the cuffs."

As we squatted behind the van, cars still went past, drivers honking their horns furiously at the stopped van. They didn't even cast worried looks at the Templars lying on the road, nor did they stop to see the gun in Vidic's hand, though that was probably because they were driving past too fast.

"Think, Lizzie, think," I whispered to myself. I looked up at the van and a foundation of an idea sparked.

Desmond followed my gaze and grinned mischievously. "I know what you're thinking."

"Good," I said, "but how are we going to get the cuffs off? We have the keys, but our hands are behind our back. How is anyone going to drive with our hands like that?"

"Well, we might as well give it a try."

Before I could struggle backwards for the keys, a gunshot splintered through the air, making my ears ring. I could only just hear a word or two of the threat that came from Vidic's voice afterward.

"Turn round and I'll give the keys a go," I yelled, though even to me it sounded like a whisper against the constant ringing in my brain. Nonetheless, he seemed to be able to just about hear me, and shuffled round on his rear end so that we were back to back. I fiddled with the keys, trying to insert them into the keyhole in his cuffs. It took five minutes before I found the right key, but I couldn't turn it properly in the hole. Meanwhile, another gunshot went off and we all flinched. It was louder than the first one, which meant it was closer. Vidic was getting nearer.

I did wonder why didn't just come and shoot us all already – trust the doctor to waste bullets. Or maybe it was because he wanted Altair, Ezio and Desmond alive. I couldn't imagine that I'd be of any further use to him.

_Click._

Finally! That was it. Desmond jumped to his feet and swivelled round. He took the keys from me and swiftly unlocked my cuffs, then Ezio's. Not Altair's, though – I had a feeling he would attack us again when he woke up if he didn't keep them on.

"The next time I fire this gun," I heard Vidic's booming, menacing voice from the opposite side of the van, "it will be Ms. Everblue who falls."

My heart pounded in my ears. I wasn't ready to die. The assassins were going to get out of this, I knew they were, but I wasn't so sure about me. I was weak little Lizzie Everblue, always asking for help in class and failing in P.E.

"Hurry up, get in the van!" Desmond yelled. He suddenly ran round to the side of the van where the driver's door was. I didn't hear anymore from Vidic, so hopefully he hadn't seen Desmond. I followed him after shutting the van doors. I dragged Ezio to the front of the van with me just as Vidic rounded the corner with his gun. I got a glimpse of his rage filled face, and I realised just how dangerous he was out of the video game.

We all squeezed into the seats at the front of the van. I inserted the keys into the ignition, and Desmond revved the engine. Ezio seemed terrified by the noise, glancing around as if there were some beast about to pounce upon him.

"Time to go," Desmond muttered, and stepped down on the correct pedal. The van sped off down the road abruptly, and I could hear a loud thud in the back where Altair was. I wondered if that would wake him up.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. I could see the tomato coloured face of Vidic spitting angrily in the background, the reflection eventually becoming smaller as he was left behind.

"Now, to lose him," Desmond grinned, and impulsively turn the steering wheel sharply to the right. Ezio and I let out yelps as the van swerved right, off road, right down the hill the motorway was on.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked. "You're going to kill us!" Ezio evidently thought the same, as he was chanting a verse of words which sounded like some kind of Italian prayer. If the words weren't of a prayer, then he was probably cussing continuously.

"No I'm not," Desmond said, as casually as someone can when driving like an absolute maniac, "I'm saving us. We've got to lose Vidic and this is the only way. It wouldn't be long until he caught up with us if we took the motorway. We'll have to camp out in the country or something."

"You're kidding," I murmured weakly. I'd never been camping before, being the noob I was, and I certainly hadn't been camping with three video game characters before...

"You mad people," Ezio breathed, clinging to his seat as the van went over a large bump in the land.

It was about twenty minutes until we reached a wooded area. We drove as far in with the van as we could, but eventually the trees just became too crowded and we were forced to stop. Evening had fallen by then, and the sky was beginning to lose its colour.

"I guess it's time to set up camp, then," Desmond said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"We don't have a tent," I pointed out.

"But we have a van," he countered.

"We also don't have any means of warmth, nor weaponry, nor food," I continued.

"But we have a van," Desmond repeated, as if that solved everything. "We can always run people over, and if that's not an option, then we'll have to go at them barehanded – and surely there'll be a heater in the van."

I stared at him. "I'm not surprised Abstergo locked you up. _We can always run people over_? You're insane. That would make you a murderer, for goodness' sake. Do you know how much crap I would get from my mum if she..." I trailed off. "Oh, dear lord. _Mum_."

My mobile was at home. I had absolutely no means of contacting her to tell her what had happened. Vidic would most likely get there first and convince her that I've gotten off with some druggies.

Ezio watched the both of us warily. "You're both insane. This world is insane. _Fottere_, I don't want to be here. I want to be home."

"Do you think any of us want to be here?" I snapped. "My mum is probably worried sick about me and all you care about is your snobby rich villa back in the flipping Renaissance! I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't think it'll be _easy_ to invent a time machine and get you back home."

Ezio cringed back from my outburst. "Eh... I apologise, _strega_."

I noticed how he didn't drop _strega_, but I was surprised that the ignorant young man had actually managed to force a 'sorry' out of his mouth. I didn't know that he even knew what the meaning of the word was.

"Settle down," Desmond consoled both of us, calm as ever. I still wanted to punch him for hitting Vidic over the head with my mum's vase. Sure, I think he deserved it, but it was pretty stupid considering he was meant to be hiding at the time.

I looked at him expectantly, but then I realised that he didn't have anything else to say, so we leaned against the front bonnet of the van in silence, staring up at the slowly darkening sky. Eventually, the ice was broken by a thought from Desmond.

"You know," he mused, "I think I know why Altair hasn't woken up yet."

"Why is that?"

"I think Malik drugged him or something. For revenge for a prank, I'm not sure."

I gaped at him, and then burst out laughing. It wasn't amazingly funny, but it was something. At least he was trying to make amends. "Altair doesn't seem like the prank type," I said.

"You never know with assassins, I guess," Desmond pondered.

"Malik is a damn novice. Altair could be useful at the moment, if it weren't for him."

"Or Altair could be attacking us, wondering where the hell he was and what time period he was in, in some strange forest with two guys almost identical to him," he corrected me.

"Ah. Good point," I admitted. "So, shouldn't we set up camp?"

"I suppose so," Desmond said thoughtfully, "or we could always..." He shook his head. "Ah, forget it."

"No, do go on," I urged. "We could always what?"

He grinned, an enthusiastic glint in his eye. "We could always tell a few ghost stories to kill time."

Ezio, who had been evidently feeling pretty much left out by the expression on his face, perked up at that. "Ghost stories? I know a few about the canals of Venezia."

"Are you for real?" I asked. "We have Abstergo on the lookout for all of us and you want to tell each other _ghost stories_?"

Desmond and Ezio exchanged glances, and then nodded fervently.

I sighed. "I guess we could do with something to take our minds off the current situation," I muttered. "Who's going first?" I looked at Ezio's beaming face. "Oh, go on, Ezio. What story do you have to _spook_ us all with?"

"Well," he began, his Italian accent becoming a leer to fit in with the atmosphere, "it was a dark and stormy night in Venezia, when..."

As he carried on with his story, we settled on the soft grass next to the van, with our backs leant against it. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions, but it would do. Soon, I grew tired of the supposedly 'horrifying' tale, and drifted off into sleep, knowing that despite the danger of my situation and the unpredictability of the people I was with, I would be safe. For now.

...

**I hope you liked this chapter. It wasn't as light-hearted as the other ones, but I hope it was still to your liking. Please review! All of your comments are so unbelievably appreciated.**

**I won't be updating again for a while unless I get lucky – I have a few exams this week and next week to revise for, so that'll be keeping me occupied.**

**If there is anything in particular you would like to see in these next few chapters, please do leave a suggestion in your review or PM me.**

**Thanks for reading! Goodnight :D Cookies to you all!**


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